Wholeheartedness : Why is Loving Yourself So Hard?


– [Peter] Do you love being you? As young children we’re
perfectly happy being who we are. We don’t question if we’re worthy of love. We simply are. But as we grow we start
comparing ourselves. We let doubt and shame erect
masks of inauthenticity to protect our inner nature. But to find fulfillment we
can’t just make our masks happy. We have to embrace who we truly are so we can genuinely thrive. Hi, I’m Peter Montoya from Thrive Union. And I’ll be sharing our current thinking on wholeheartedness,
why it’s so fundamental, and how we can embrace it more fully. And please support us by
subscribing to our channel. And ring the bell, too,
to receive notifications of our new videos now. Can you say that you love yourself without questioning or
resisting that concept? If not, you may be lacking
in wholeheartedness. Wholeheartedness is a deep feeling of worthiness and self love in spite of how others treat or accept you. It combines authenticity with compassion, empathy, and courage. Simply put, wholeheartedness is being in love with being you. When you love yourself
you can move forward with complete self
confidence and assurance, even when you make mistakes. You recognize yourself
as an equal in any group no matter who you’re with. You gained the power to
say no or yes more easily. You don’t fall into the
people pleasing trap. You become your greatest supporter instead of your greatest road block. Your romantic and personal
relationships deepen because you’re sharing your true self. You attract other wholehearted
people around you, creating stronger networks. Asking for help is no longer a burden, and instead becomes an opportunity to make your relationships more profound. And when problems arise you are empowered to address them head on instead of passively aggressively lashing out. If living wholeheartedly is so beneficial, why aren’t we doing it more? One word, shame. As Dr. Brene Brown, shame
researcher, states– – [Brene] Shame is
really easily understood as the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me, that if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection? – [Peter] As human beings
we evolve to survive by conforming to larger groups. Shame is a powerful weapon for conformity, but it also can breed resentment. Those who wouldn’t fit in were
exiled and faced starvation, isolation, or death. Today we still associate social rejection with the same dire consequences. We put on masks rather than addressing the potential shame of being ourselves. We stifle ourselves instead of letting our true selves thrive. As Brene Brown relates– – [Brene] We try to
combat not being enough by pleasing and performing and perfecting. We go through our lives trying to be who we think we’re supposed to be, doing and saying what we
think people wanna hear, putting on whatever mask or face we think we need to put on for that moment, and what that leaves us is exhausted. – [Peter] Expectations from friends, family, or our culture can drown us. To truly thrive we have
to eliminate the mask and live wholeheartedly. But how do we do this? It starts with authenticity. Dr. Brown’s research concluded that. – [Brene] Authenticity’s a practice, and you choose it every day, sometimes every hour of every day. – [Peter] When you go to a party you can go with a goal of being authentic instead of merely fitting in. Second, discover your own self worth. Write out a list of all
your positive attributes, or ask friends and family to
help you identify strengths. Then pick one and write a one-page essay about why having that one
attribute is such a great thing. Write these self affirmations often. Third, recognize that
everyone has self worth. Remember, we’re all human. We all have strange thoughts,
interesting beliefs, unique quirks, and we all make mistakes. All this makes us unique human beings with unique offerings to the world. We are all worthy of love and acceptance. As Brene Brown states– – [Brene] Worthiness does
not have prerequisites. We need to find a way
to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. We need to find a way to say I’m enough. – [Peter] We can literally
start telling ourselves that in front of a mirror or in letters. We can talk to ourselves the same way we talk to a best friend. Replace negative self
talk with positive talk, even if it’s hard or feels silly. Although we were born as
wholehearted children, we have to be intentional to
become wholehearted adults. Wholeheartedness is loving being you. It’s a practice that takes effort, courage, and vulnerability. But it’s worth it. Living wholeheartedly
frees us to be ourselves so we can truly thrive. – [Voiceover] Thrive Union
is a real world community and life school dedicated
to human well being. Our regular events include
parties, game nights, supper clubs, hikes, and thrive meetings to build deep levels of intimacy, and power us to grow
and improve our world. Our life school provides
educational videos, articles, conferences,
and educational courses. Visit our website at
thriveunion.org to learn more.

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